• apologies • I say sorry after sex a lot. I'm not sure pre..
Added 2024-08-27 14:03:50 +0000 UTC• apologies •
I say sorry after sex a lot. I'm not sure precisely why but I could speculate that it has much to do with feeling bad when I ask for my needs to be met/when I get my needs met at anyone else's expense. Years of relationships, platonic and alike, have shown me it isn't safe for me to have needs or desires that weren't at the very least mutually beneficial. Even though I understand logically that sex is a consensual act between adults, and even though you can hear me ask for consent and know my wife is very eager to be whatever I need them to be, even though she has said a thousand times I can use her body roughly, grind on her face, say vulgar things, the immediate drop after climaxing always leaves me feeling guilty. Was I too rough, rougher than she expected, what if something I said came off wrong when I didn't expect to. I've had too many personal instances of asking for an inch and people taking 10 miles and I never want to be that person. Even unintentionally. She is everything to me, and everything she offers willingly to me is not something I take lightly. Her delicate face that she so graciously let's me grind against, her mouth ravaging me, I can't tell where I end and she begins, especially when her chin is nearly all the way inside me. My hands in her perfectly soft hair, reigns or rope or whatever you could compare it to, see me getting flustered just thinking about her I can't think up metaphors that make sense anymore. But isn't that what the Poets are trying to convey. That feeling that can't be put into words so we talk ourselves silly, round and round in circles of similes, defining what love is, what passion is, what sex is in its most carnal form... but then I come down, and the sanity she made me lose returns, and I just want to make sure she's okay. So my climaxes come with apologies. And i dont know when that will change, maybe it never will.
