3 years from the first time I went red. Some things change, ..
Added 2024-01-17 17:06:53 +0000 UTC3 years from the first time I went red. Some things change, some things stay the same. 🌹
I’ve always been very hard on myself. I’m quietly ambitious, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to always do more, to be better. Self doubt has always held me back sharing, posting, doing, starting, and being–but that’s something I want to change.
I’m finding a better balance of what it means to live in the moment in order to commit to the long-run. Instead of taking too long to process something, I’m learning to trust myself and act in the moment. Do it now, or else I’ll waste more time later thinking about how I should’ve done it before. It’s ok if it’s not perfect or fully developed, I’d rather try and move forward than stay stuck in my head forever.
It no longer matters to me to be the best at something. I used to be frustrated for not being more recognized or respected for my work. But I want to do it because I believe in it, bc it fulfills me and I enjoy it. I dont care if I’m not the most popular, the hottest, the coolest–I want to be the person that is in love with life despite the judgement. I want to be the one having fun even if no one else is dancing. 👹
I work in an industry where I’ve become hyper-critical of my looks and my body image compared to my peers. But aside all that, I’m actually quite happy when I look in the mirror these days. I’m not the biggest or most fit, but I love feeling the slow progress of pushing my body beyond its comfort zone and growing stronger every day.
I no longer want to hold myself back because I’m afraid I’m not the most knowledgable or interesting or attractive. Fuck the self doubt. I’m too ambitious to sit this one out. I am not perfect, but I am in love the process of becoming.
❤️ SS
