Billions of Snow Crabs Have Vanished From The Sea: Is It Time To Repent?
My first thought: Can you blame them? If there were ever a time to go extinct, I would say right now is second only to the Dark Ages. My second thought: Is this God/the aliens firing off a warning shot? If I wanted to get humanity’s attention, doing something drastic that affects everyone’s Red Lobster experience would absolutely be my play. Doesn’t matter which of the 719 international locations you show up to; the menus will be missing something, leaving patrons everywhere, regardless of their race, religion or origin, with a snow crab-sized hole in their hearts.
My third thought: Did we push the Deadliest Catch guys too far? Is it possible that, in demanding 16+ seasons of high-octane crustacean-wrangling content, we inadvertently caused these crews to overfish Alaskan waters, thus resulting in the near extinction of an entire species?
According to scientists, overfishing is actually not the root cause for the disappearance of 7 billion snow crabs… but rising water temperatures might be. The warmer the oceans get, the more inhospitable they become; the more inhospitable they become, the less snow crabs are able to reproduce. In short: the snow crabs are saying, “It is simply too hot to f-ck”.
The rise in water temperatures is just one of the many drawbacks of man-made climate change. Now, before 50% of you furiously click out of this blog… let’s take a pause, allow our bl-ood pressure levels to return to normal and consider this:
Global warming is not coming solely for the vegans, the Prius drivers, the they/them/theirs, the city of Portland and the Biden voters; it’s coming for all of us. Hurricane Ian was a testament to that. If we don’t start treating Mother Earth a tad nicer, she will take the state of Florida and sweep that b-tch right out to sea. If we don’t take climate change seriously, it’s only a matter of time before the Sunshine State becomes the new, anti-woke Lost Continent of Atlantis…Taking Ron Desantis, no State Income Tax, Mar-a-Lago (possibly some classified government documents) and 29 electoral college votes with it.
So you see, it doesn’t really matter if you’re into saving the planet or exploiting it for its natural resources… If we use it all up, past the point of no return, then nobody wins… Not the tree-huggers, not the Ford F-150 owners and certainly not the snow crabs (who really just want slightly cooler water temperatures to bone in).
Think about it…
xxxo,
BriBri
2022-10-16 22:53:06 +0000 UTC
View Post
Showing off my more intellectual side (🍑👣), obviously.
2022-10-13 23:43:31 +0000 UTC
View Post
An erotic flip book, of sorts…
2022-10-11 00:00:51 +0000 UTC
View Post
Christopher Columbus Was a Bit Of A Douche (even by 15th century standards)...
I am by no means a fan of “cancel culture”, nor am I a fan of completely casting aside historical figures because they behaved in a way that would now, in present-day, be deemed unacceptable. However, I do support the idea of holding people accountable for their actions and adjusting my outlook on a situation when new information comes to light…
What we now know about Columbus is he couldn’t find his ass with both hands… He set out to “discover” Asia, but instead landed in the West Indies and tried to convince everyone that Cuba was China (true story). Columbus was also the Jeffrey Dahmer of his time, as he was really into enslaving, m-utilating, r-aping and k-illing people. Per his own account, when he landed in the Caribbean, the natives were not violent and willing to trade with Columbus and his crew. There was no need to pillage the local population; he did that for sport.
In fact, he was such a dickweed, that even the other dickweeds (fellow conquerers/slave owners/pillagers) couldn’t stand him. Things had gotten so bad under his leadership that the fellow settlers threatened mutiny. He was arrested, forcibly brought back to Spain and stripped of all titles; had a few more unsuccessful voyages after that and then croaked. He went to the grave still claiming he discovered a part of East Asia (friendly reminder: he did not). Oh and by the way…he may have been born in Italy, but he had ZERO allegiance to his fellow paesans. He worked for Spain and was also secretly working as a double-agent for Portugal… just a real disloyal rat bastard.
All that being said, we’ve got to come together as a nation to find a better person to celebrate on this day. I’ve given it some thought and I would like to nominate Tony Soprano.
Italian-American? Yes. Discovered new (trucking) routes for the waste management community? Yes. Helped colonize Essex County, New Jersey? Yes. A controversial historical figure who the whole country can still get behind? Yes. (note: If you didn’t like The Sopranos, you’re not a true patriot and should be stripped of your citizenship immediately.) I really cannot think of a more healing experience for this country than repurposing Columbus Day into Tony Soprano Day. Imagine the festivities?!
Gabagool and good vibes for all. <3
Do the right thing, America.
xxxo,
BriBri
2022-10-11 00:00:06 +0000 UTC
View Post
Not your family’s Game Night… 🫦♟️
2022-10-07 00:03:01 +0000 UTC
View Post
HISPANIC G.O.A.T.s
In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, I’ve decided to compile a quick list of some of my all-time favorites.
Ted Cruz: A Canadian-born Texan with Cuban roots or a legit alien lifeform? We may never know/the CIA may never disclose… Regardless of his true origins, Rafael/Big Rafa is right up there with AOC as one of the most competent and well-liked politicians of our time.
Autumn Falls: If you know… you know. #BigNaturalsNation
Danny Trejo: The only person to appear in both Con Air AND Spy Kids… That kind of acting range could only be matched by Gary Busey… He’s also a former inmate of San Quentin State Prison and the current proprietor of one of the best taco shops in Los Angeles (Trejo’s Tacos)... A true Renaissance man, if I ever knew one.
Mexicans: All of them… Just the entire population…Never met one I didn’t like.
Rosita: Otherwise known as the turquoise bilingual baddie from Sesame Street (first one in the show’s history!)... Also the second most f*ckable muppet after The Count, per a recent Gallup Poll.
Oscar De La Hoya: An Olympic Gold Medalist/boxing legend who has also (allegedly) done more c*caine than the entire FSU student body and lived to tell the tale… Need I say more?
Honorable Mentions: Daddy Yankee, Jésus Christ, Oswaldo (our landscaper)
xxxo,
Bri
2022-10-07 00:01:16 +0000 UTC
View Post
Shower/Bigfoot sighting uncensored
👹💦💦
2022-10-02 23:58:13 +0000 UTC
View Post
Working hard? 🤓
2022-10-02 23:52:10 +0000 UTC
View Post
WHY I STARTED AN ONLYFANS
WELL, FOLKS… I’ve always said “I don’t have an OnlyFans, but check back if the markets tank” and I think it’s safe to say we’re here. Given the way my body is designed, I will most likely age like a Basset Hound; Therefore, the time to capitalize on these bad boys is now.
I am also looking to finance my tuition for NASA Adult Space Camp… After witnessing the uptick of extreme weather, inept political leaders and lunacy displayed by the general population, I have begun looking at real estate on the moon. Once I have the funds and training, I’ll just need to convince Jeff Bezos/Elon Musk/ China that my humor, excellent organizational skills and vast knowledge of science* (having watched every episode of The Joe Rogan Experience and The X Files) will all be of great use in the New World.
My motivations are not solely economic; As some of you know, I spent the first 25 years of life looking like the female version of Hagrid from Harry Potter. In recent times, my aesthetic has improved considerably and I’m determined to enjoy it as much as humanly possible before the aforementioned “Basset Hound effect” kicks in. While I enjoy showing off my body, Mark Zuckerberg does not. Instagram’s Community Guidelines have become increasingly Draconian, compelling me (and my contemporaries: Kanye West & Donald Trump) to make a name for ourselves on other platforms... Alas, here I am.
I would like to make it clear that this is not a porn account; it’s more like my own self-produced digital Playboy magazine. There will be semi-nude pay-per-view photos and there will also be free articles (for those of you who follow me for my intellect/ wit/ winning personality). Please don’t waste your time or money sliding into my DMs and asking for a Hustler-esque picture of my labia or for a video of me masturbating (*I prefer to do that off-camera, in the privacy of my own home and preferably after a large meal, as Christ intended). BUT, do slide into my DMs if you want to talk, suggest a theme for the photos or have any questions for me. I also offer consulting services on a wide variety of topics, including, but not limited to: sex/dating, personal finance, astrology, life, etc.
Anyways, here goes nothing…
xxxo,
Bri
2022-10-02 23:36:43 +0000 UTC
View Post
